Probation, I’m Doing It Wrong

I’ve been a probation officer for a while now. Here in the Lone Star they call it Community Supervision and Corrections, aapparently probation didn’t sound fancy enough. I have been through all the normal bs. I can’t report because I’m sick (positive for Meth). I can’t perform my community service because I work all the time (positive for marijuana). It’s not my fault I got arrested, I was just minding my own business and the cops came into my yard (you beat up your wife). What I would like to know is what I am doing wrong. So far I have been offered chocolate chip cookies, grapefruit, and just a few minutes ago an arrowhead. What do I have to do to get a decent bribe. Give me a break, an arrowhead?

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